the lost art of stillness

Rock sitting at sunset, I acknowledge the lost art of stillness.

How, over time, a human can blend into some wild scene unnoticed,
stoic as the stone she is crouched upon,
so that life goes on around her,
undisturbed.

A person no longer a threat.
A presence no longer an intrusion.

How the slowing of a body has become equally as difficult
as the slowing of a mind,
in this fast paced society we’ve built for ourselves.
Where 24 hours in a day is simply not enough,
40 hours no longer pays the bills,
and an empty calendar day equates to idle negligence.

The degree of effort it takes to just sit there,
somewhere,
anywhere,
and just be.

Without a mind wandering,
a screen scrolling,
a message typing,
legs pumping,
motor running.

This subconscious pull,
seemingly gravitational,
towards a distraction,
a destination,
a dependence.

Gutted but goal-oriented,
we move.
Forwards.
Backwards.
Side to side.
But never still.
Never still.

Quietude is an outlandish alien in America.
Debunked and deemed a hoax,
picked apart by the nonbelievers,
the peddle pushers of progress,
perseverance,
effort and exertion,
as if struggle is the only thing left for us to believe in.

Crushed is the shell of a turtle too slow to keep pace in this modern world.
Lost is the wisdom she carries within her gaze.
Ancient eyes from the time of dinosaurs,
tires treading on territory now paved over and potholed,
too fast for her and her kin,
so fast it might kill her kind entirely,
in a century or less,
when turtles, as a species, have survived millennia.

Parties and purpose.
Lists and ladders.
Influencers and idols.
Momentum and marketing.
On brand and on point.

Quickly now.

Or they will pass your ass,
over and across the double lines,
because 10 miles over the speed limit isn’t fast enough.

Get left behind.

Or worse, get flattened beneath,
some jacked up low tread tire racing down a country road,
Formula 1 in a 35.

Still… is how I found myself surrounded by beavers.
Slow… is how I entered the lake,
wading through the thigh deep water,
careful of the steps I couldn’t see but had to feel,
bare feet in the muck,
lucky to have spotted the rock from a distance,
this perfect offshore sit spot,
solitary,
secluded,
at sunset.
Luckier still to not have noticed,
it emerged from the depths right next to a lodge.

As the sun went down,
the beavers returned home.
Floating and feeding as a family.
Gliding through the water,
freely in, out, and about,
their heads bobbing above the surface,
getting lost amongst the lily pads,
only to disappear below,
just to pop up again in another place,
to my left, to my right,
drifting, diving,
fluid, flowing,
streamlined,
synchronous,
as I watched in wonder.

I could have turned forty anywhere I wanted,
the start of a new decade a bigger deal than any of the in-between years.
Maybe not as big as 13, as 16, as 18, as 21,
but a milestone just the same.

I chose to celebrate quietly,
in the company of beavers,
stoic as the stone I sat upon,
at sunset,
watching the wild,
as I disappeared into the background,
unnoticed.

Here, I am not the one to pay attention to.
Centerstage is reserved for the natural world.
It grandstands just by existing.
I am captivated by default.
A gracious guest on borrowed time,
witnessing the beauty of an untamed place,
wishing I could just sit here,
today, tomorrow, forever,
practicing the lost art of stillness.

Beneath the Willow Tree

Upon returning to Montana, I settled into the wild rhythm so easily – rising with the sun as it emerged from behind the mountains across the Flathead River, spilling both its light and its warmth into my blue and orange Marmot – nestled beneath a sprawling Willow tree. Crawling out from the coziness of my sleep sack, I shed my thick wool socks and thermal sleep clothes, grab a towel, and make my way to the water’s edge.

It’s the perfect entrance, almost as if it were by invitation, this place where the aquatic grasses thin, creating a single person width path from the shoreline out to the deeper water. “Enter here,” the space beckons.The Willow extends her limbs up and out, over and across, providing coverage and camouflage, a place less exposed for my daily plunge.

I remove my shirt and let the crisp morning air dance across my bare skin. My foot hovers inches above the water in expectation of the cool sensation about to meet it.

My feet sink into the sediment and disappear beneath the mud, creating pastel swirls of khaki colored mud with each step. Blades of grass glide past my hips and slip between my toes. My body adjusts to the shock of the 50 some degree water with a sharp inhale and a series of shivers. Who needs coffee when you can start the day like this? The cool water jolting you to be present in the moment, to be present in your body – taking it in with all of your senses.

An Osprey dips low, flying just overhead. I lift my hand in greeting and call good morning as it passes by – indifferent to my nakedness. The Sandhill Cranes call out behind me, their bodies obscured among the cattails and tall wetland foliage. Their presence is known only by the hauntingly beautiful sound of their voices. I wade out until I am chest deep, taking in full, deep breaths of morning air. I cup the water in my hands and let the cool, fresh water cleanse my face. I take a dip, do a quick wash of my body and then I make my way back to air dry beneath the trees – basking in the warmth of the morning sun, letting its rays kiss away the cool droplets that remain.

These slow mornings are something to cherish. Nowhere to be but right where I am. The only time constraint is making it to the Goat Cafe in time – ensuring that I get fresh milk squeezed right into my morning coffee. Add a dash of raw honey or maple syrup and boom – perfection in a cup.

To wake beneath a Willow, knowing your hands will soon grow tired and your thumbs will become calloused from weaving the limbs of one of her sister trees, provides this magical opportunity to connect with the spirit of a tree – who lends its flexible and resilient body to weavers – crafting beautiful and durable baskets of all kinds.

We narrow our possibilities for knowledge and wisdom when we limit it solely to learning from our human counterparts. There is so much that nature can teach as well as provide – in every facet of our lives. But it’s only when we begin to recognize and embrace the interconnectedness of all things, that we start to understand. We are far closer to the rhythms of nature than we are led to believe. But here we are, making our primary concern in life how to make ourselves more profitable. We commodify our other-than-human counterparts rather than seek their companionship and counsel. We get lost in the hustle, in the daily grind, in the chaos of jam-packed schedules. We have lost what the slow and simple can bring to our lives. But here beneath the Willow tree, that is all there is.