a force of nature.

We might feel as if there aren’t many places, spaces, or faces that can withstand the kind of waves that build up inside of us.

Anger.

Grief.

Melancholy.

Anxiety.

Suffering.

Loss.

Emotions so vast and colossal that they form a tsunami – capsizing our lives as we know it.

When we feel like we’re drowning in the depths of our own deep sea, when we feel like erupting under the pressure of our own seismic activity, when we feel like cracking wide open after a fracture in our own crust, nature recognizes this wild force we have become, even if no one else does.

May we spill our heartbreak on the forest floor, our tears like raindrops falling and soaking into the soft earth, the rich tapestry beneath our bare feet absorbing our sadness and pain.

May we scream our fury across the tops of mountains, our rage like a gust of wind, carrying our hurt across the expanse as if it were some feathered beast of burden, a wingspan so large it blots out the sun.

May we whisper our worries to the trees, stoic companions resolute in their counsel and confidentiality, always listening without interruption. They recognize our trepidations and advocate for the sharing of all that we leave unspoken.

May we wash our grief away in the swirls and sweeps of a river flowing. May we submerge our sorrow below the surface of a tranquil lake so still that it reflects the sky in mirror image. May we sink our misery down beneath the scrubby plush of peat moss and boot-stealing muck of the swamp lands.

May we tap into the wild consciousness of creation. Unplug from the Matrix of a conditioned society and choose instead to link up to the feral and untamed mycorrhizal network that connects all things.

May we weave ourselves through the rugged fabric of the earth, intertwining our threads with the other-than-human – fungi and root, soil and sun, water and mineral, plant and animal – life sustaining energy and forces.

It is the great gift of right relationship – to have nature know you better than you might know yourself. Let the land, the sky, the trees, the water, and all who exist in these wild elements hold space for you.

May nature validate all that we feel inside, even when we do not – no matter how cumbersome, how relentless, how challenging, how exhausting, how formidable, how tempestuous. Lay it down. Let it out. Nature knows what you should not carry alone. Perhaps, nature knows what we need even when we do not.

The wild is the one place where we do not have to pretend to be okay.

Where we do not have to have all the answers.

Where we do not have to just get over it.

Nature will see and experience you at your wits end,

at your wildest….

and just let you be.

In the wild silence, may we find our voice.

In wild spaces, may we give fashion and form to our unspoken things.

In our own wild nature, may we find ourselves.

undigested material.

It is customary to oust the

painful memories from our past,

in some place beside us,

below us,

so that we do not have to revisit them.

We prefer to leave hurt behind,

expel it from our bodies,

reject all that is sharp and hazardous,

to be nourished by the softer matters.

Pain is the accumulation of bone, feather, and fur.

The exoskeletons of our own closets.

An oval mass of indigestible material.

Trauma becomes an owl pellet.

We are not meant to examine,

to pull apart,

to peer with intentional curiosity,

at the things our bodies will us to dispel.

But some of us do.

The intact bones of trauma,

raw material too dense to break down,

offering a particular kind of insight,

for the ones who choose to pick apart the past.

Not to suffer,

but to learn,

to understand.

To collect what was formerly discarded,

the regurgitated rejections of unpalable history,

and puzzle over it,

like some detective.

Hellbent on connecting the dots,

examining the truth,

no matter how gnarled.

You are a Barred Owl who collects her own pellets.

Picks them apart one by one.

To discover the anatomy of self.

To master the science of my own personal ecology.

To examine and acknowledge every part of who you are,

and what you have experienced,

even the parts that are hard to digest.

be notorious.

Comfortable is some dry ass dusty soil in a long forgotten terra cotta pot in the corner of a room with no sunlight that hasn’t been watered in ages and has left your leaves and stems all shriveled up, droopy and sad, flower petals scattered on the floor.

Comfortable is where life goes to die.

YOU CAN’T GROW THERE.

Once you start living outside the confines of your own safe zone and you stop trying to protect and preserve the safe zones of those around you by setting healthy boundaries and speaking your truth, a lot of folks are going to take up issue with it. They’re not going to like it. They’re going to have lots to say. They’re going to get all up in arms.

It might trigger in them, all the things that have yet to address within themselves. Being comfortable with being uncomfortable isn’t easy. Your calm response to their emotional reaction will bewilder them, enrage them even. They might get defensive. Dismiss the conversation. Shut down and walk away. Gaslight you. Guilt you. Shame you. Deflect. Ignore. Smear campaign your name.

Remember: YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR OR THEIR REACTION.

They might claim you are “mean”. They might find you “intimidating”. Too confident. Too bold. Too much. They might even think you a b!tch or an assh0le because you set boundaries, hold space for difficult topics, are open to honest communication, and refuse to deal with bullsh!t, including your own. That’s alright.

They might even try to knock you down a few pegs… put you back where they think you belong, so that they can resume their own version of comfortable and where you fit in that scenario.

DO NOT LET THEM.

Go on. Destroy your reputation. It’s okay. It’s going to happen. Even when you’re professional, even when you’re respectful, even when you choose the high road, even when you refuse to take the bait when someone is trying to get a rise out of you. Just hold steady.

If you ask me….

I’d much rather be NOTORIOUS than “NICE”.

How about you?